Thursday, 20 March 2008
in library now with weewee.. supposed to do the perfumes mcq but ended up surfing shopping sites instead.. guess i shld really be more disciplined with my laptop.. haha.. sigh juz felt so sian la. weewee's asleep. i was lik damn shagged during perfumes lect juz now. haha man weewee's really pretty at times.. sometimes i feel an attraction to the girls in my group. one of the cons of being a bi.. -.- juz lik how str8 women and men can nv be purely platonic.. yeah bi/les women and str8 women can nv be purely platonic too. presents quite a hurdle sometimes. i mean, i dun think of getting tgt with my frens or anyth.. but i cant ignore their beauty and attractiveness too. so ill oogle them sometimes haha. errz.. :/ ohwell. lol. that's e truth!
weewee's bf is a total moron to treat her badly lah.. and all her exes who ended up liking other girls. i juz cant see why. she's so pretty n cute n giving in a r/s. ohwell
*shrugs* who am i to know anyth?
aniwae perfumes lect was a total waste of time la.. the lecturer was happily rambling on and on in her own lil world while more than half of the LT was doin their own thing. me and my 2 frens ended up photowhoring for a while.. then crapping.. lols.. den towards e end jz gave up and fell asleep.. i slept on weewee's shoulder. she's damn strong to withstand my weight. haha. kinda miss having a male shoulder to lean on... sometimes when im with my male frens gotta fight the urge to lean on them. its been some time since i had physical contact with a guy.. and me being a very physical creature, one of the most painful parts of the recovery process is slowly weaning myself off physical intimacy.. sigh.. its really cold without someone pressed close to me. ohwell. one day, one day...
been asking some of my male frens lately about how attractive i am.. surprisingly, quite a few of them tot i was rather attractive. but i guess i asked those who i kinda felt were interested in me so duh they thought i was attractive. lol! but aniwae i asked this guy D recently whether i was attractive like those girls who always have guys going aft them for some weird reason.. and he said he thinks im attractive but not really a "guy's" girl.. cuz not everyone will suit me..and i wont appeal to everyone i guess.. i tot that was quite true. apparently i attract ppl who feel drawn towards me for my sensuality and hidden depth of personality. im lik a mystery with layers to be peeled away. so yeah i wont appeal to guys who're looking for a super nice n cheerful n upfront girl. im definitely not a "what u see is what u get" kinda girl. dno if thats good or bad. but well im still complex to myself.. so ive got alot of learning left to do.. cant blame anyone else for thinking im an enigma.. cant even understand myself haha
it's a journey of self-discovery...last night i was reading GR's blog and i was quite struck by the honesty n devotion to God displayed in his blog. also listened to the song "Forever" in his blog.. it really got me thinking.. thinking about Christianity.. hmm i dno. it wld be nice to always be loved and stuff.. to be truly precious to someone.. i guess i just dont like some other parts that Christianity entails..
*shrugs* well i believe that if im truly destined to become a Christian, one day smth will happen that will show me the way. yeah. everyone accepts his faith for different reasons. i dont wanna be coerced into it. religion is a very personal thing and its a personal decision, it's a commitment.. it cant b made for me by anyone else but me. so we'll see how things go.
when im talking to D i kinda feel lik he likes me. well its quite obvious cuz he's lik blatantly flirting w me.. i dno.. erm but there are some obstacles in our way la. and i dun think there's any potential.. its a pity tho cuz he sounds lik my ideal bf.. ah well. too bad lo. hmm do u tell a guy to back off when u feel him comin onto u or only when he really makes a move? i mean, i can so tell he's interested but im still feigning ignorance n stuff.
*shrugs* dun wanna be mean but.. Next!
gonna buy my laptop sleeve today :3 sigh the shop ppl are being so irritating.. arghx.. hope it goes well today
been thinking abt WR alot lately.. hope he's doing ok, esp with bein activitated for the Kastari guy's capture.. shld i contact him? shld i, shld i not? sigh dno.. dno.. its bothering me
maybe ill wait awhile more. maybe ill wait another week...
k its time to stop slacking!! lecture's at 4 pm arghx. alright. im out :)
reaching out again
3:15 pm
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