Wednesday, 19 September 2007

sigh i'm just really really tired.. so tired..

the later part of my day today has just sucked.. i dno lah. im so so tired cuz i slept past 2 am last night.. was talkin on the phone with dear.. we shldnt haf talked at such a late time.. not only cuz both of us slept late (but he cld wake up at 8.30 am so i guess it was ok for him) but cuz at lik 1+ am he'll surely fall asleep while talking to me. and yeah it did happen, at the worst time possible: when i was baring my heart and sharing my worries about my current situation and our r/s. so i was talkin on and on and he din say anyth and turns out he indeed fell asleep. i was so so pissed after that. yeah so i kept demanding that he hang up but he seemed to lik keep fallin asleep so i kept getting more and more pissed off. the night din end on a good note.

i woke up feeling lik a trainwreck.. sigh.. and right now i do feel like a trainwreck again. the first part of the day was ok.. math lect was interesting.. our math lecturer used a loaf of breadtalk bread to illustrate finding volume under a 3-D curve.. yeah iterative integration.. cheem stuff. hmm then had a break before proj meeting started.. drank this avocado milkshake that tasted lik coffee.. think they added gula melaka.. got quite sick of it halfway. later on i had bad diarrhea that involved me practically running to the toilet from the lib comp lab.. arghx.. yeah then had proj meeting.. quite sian la e meeting.. sigh.. i think i shldnt try so hard to dominate the group.. think i come off as rather overbearing and mean sometimes.. side-effect of trying to act tough and be the leader. *shrugs* my groupmates aren't pushovers tho.. ohwell. i'll try to figure that one out.. prob cuz im not familiar with my grpmates yet.. so not v comfortable ard them.

yeah it was after that that most of e probs started.. after e meeting we had lunch, then we went back to lib.. 3 of us: geraldine, GR and me. after awhile, geraldine left for class, so left only GR and i. mug mug mug in the lib, ended up he slept for more than an hour while i struggled with my math tutorial.. but at least i attempted smth yeah. hmm was thinking of meeting dear at night cuz i really missed him but cldnt confirm with him.. then was quite irritated cuz i need to inform my maid whether im coming back for dinner by 5 pm.. aiyah in the end we din meet also.. i was feeling quite miserable cuz i wanted to meet but circumstances din allow. then was thinkin of going clementi to buy txtbook.. was almost 7pm at that time i think. took shuttle down to central lib to take 96, but decided to ask if my mom cld fetch me if she was still in NUS. so i called her, then at that moment a 96 came n went. i was quite gek. she said she'd pack up and come down. that was 7.30pm. so i stood there at the bus stop and waited.. sat down and waited.. wait wait.. 2 96s came n went.. unbelievable.. in the end she came at 8.10 or 8.15pm i think. so irritating.. usually what my mom does is tell me she's leaving work, then when i call her lik half an hour or 20 mins later or smth she'll still tell me she's leaving work i'm lik wtf.. argh.. if i'd juz taken bus i cldve been long on my way home by then la.. sometimes the so-called "convenience" actually turns out to be a big INconvenience. aniwae by the time i got to clementi the bookstore was closed.. closes at 7 pm wtf.. wasted. then still had to go NTUC to buy things with my mom.. was freezing in there.. i wandered ard aimlessly.. was feeling lik shit cuz the night was so sucky and dear was lik being indifferent. sigh. i dno. at the bus stop i was lookin at all the couples and feeling lonely and jealous. then i din receive any sms-es from dear. then when i sms-ed him he din sound v enthu either so i just felt lik withdrawing.. yeah so.. things weren't good the whole night.. when i wanted to complain to him bout my mom and all.. he din sound v enthu and he din seem to pick up my mood from my sms-es.. so.. yeah lo. lik that lo. the night only got worse.

think if dear keeps falling asleep during our convos i can only get more n more pissed.

sigh ive been v angry and moody 2night.. i think im turning into how dear used to be.. and i dun lik it.. it's a role reversal now.. i seem to have lost myself. it's affecting everything..

got SUJA outline due 2ml and math and cm1111 tuts 2ml.. shitx.. only attempted math tutorial.. cm1111 is empty.. my outline is not done. but im exhausted now. think shall try to sleep first n wake up? suicidal? sigh. what else can i do.. im just so tired.. and dear hasnt replied my sms.. think i shld juz give up la.

reaching out again
12:55 am

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