we all want to SHINE

So would you dare to be different
When everyone's consolidating
Would you reach out elsewhere
And turn your back on the population
Would you pursue dreams over mountains
Scaling over cliffs of self-resistance
Maybe race to catch a shooting star
When your world's crumbling to pieces
Could you dive deep into the unknown
Or beyond the depths of your imagination
Charting your own path through the winds of fate
Be it to Heaven or your own destruction

So,
Will you go the distance?
Will you dare to be different?

EXUDing light

● Rachel
● 20 yrs old
● Scorpio
● 18/11/88
● itsnotfarnie@hotmail.com
● ex-NY girl
● ex-NJCian
● always an NJ archer :)
● on-off shoppaholic
● NUS Sci - Class of 2007

●RAVES● - sexy hot glam funky fashion/shopping online/shopping w my best galpals ;)/groovy music/comedies/cartoons/movies/documentaries/Knowledge :)/botany & zoology/organic chem/lip products/facial masks/analysing & watching people/learning/aspiring/growing/ appreciating/art & craft/reading/sleeping

♥LOVES♥ - gotta learn to love myself first..

●WANTS● - flattering & affordable clothes/comfy shoes/a toned & healthier body/a redeco-ed room/more space in my room!/a more disciplined me/gorgeous unique accessories/a green thumb/a bright future/for my dreams to come true :)

Friday, 28 September 2007

i'm not happy.

i'm not happy, i realised. however much i laugh and joke, however much i tease others.. inside i'm just miserable, filled with guilt and self-pity.

i did nothing today, honestly.. despite how motivated i mightve sounded in my previous entry. i had plans i admit; i'd wanted to do smth. but in the end, i didn't. and that's all that counts..

feeling really hungry right now but ive nth to eat.. i have snacks in my room, like codfish strips, kinder bueno, and biscuits with chocolate dip. don't think i shld eat any of that at this time of the night.. tho i'm really really hungry. sigh.

was reading Weightwatcher's success stories just now.. it's this program that focusses on building healthy lifestyles incorperating healthy eating and exercise, in order to lose weight and get fit. many ppl have joined and benefitted from it, and i was marvelling at the before and after photos in their success stories.. was thinking that all these people joined for a reason (their own individual reasons), but ultimately they made it work. it wasnt easy but they made it work, and the results are obvious. it's not lik a slimming treatment or wonder drugs, it's a total lifestyle makeover. well it's a pity it's only in the US and not available in Sg.. if not i'll definitely join.

my point is that i look at their efforts and i look at myself and i think, am i really not able to make changes in myself? i look at my weightloss goals (not v clear, i just know i want to slim down) and at my academic goals and i just feel really empty you know? why is it so hard to just get moving? why is it so hard to just do the right thing... do i really need to seek help for this? do i really need someone to hold my hand and guide me, push me to improve? am i really that weak?

well as it is i havnt started on studying for chem and math, im not even sure of what im gonna write for my SUJA cuz it seems lik my whole Mito-Eve theory is just crap now.. gosh.. and so much for needing to submit a new outline to my teacher LAST saturday. forget it la. this sucks doesn't it?

i think i ought to start putting lemon or lime into my water.. might make me drink more water. my skin's lik crap now.. due to lack of exercise, lack of hydration and late nights.. yeah... chronic bad habits. rachel, just when are you gonna change?

huixin's a member of city harvest church now.. what a twist of fate.. well me being anti-christian and all, i sure hope our religious differences don't come between us. esp since CH is rather extremist. will just see how things go i suppose.

reaching out again
1:45 am

{{{{=-=+=-=}}}