hmm it's the recess week alr.. thursday of the recess week to be exact. and i havnt really done anything besides the GEK1543 project.. part of that, actually. been feeling quite pathetic and despondent lately.. ive tons to do and catch up on.. and ive only got thursday (today) and sunday to do it =/ cuz on fri ive physio appt, gift-shopping for GR and GR's 21st bday party in the evening.. entire fri gone.. geez. why must GR have his bday during the recess week? =.= haha.. and on sat im meeting dear =) <3 sigh..

im totally screwing up the whole balance-studies-and-r/s thing. i remember way back in the hols when i was thinking it'd be a good chance to hone my time-management skills and prove that i'm matured enuf to handle both but it seems that i've done a miserable job of it. hmm prob cuz i enjoy my r/s way more than studying? i've been lik daydreaming so much abt the future recently.. much of it containing dear.. but everytime i remind myself that ive got to think more about the present and less bout the far far future. i remember the days when i was single and i felt tougher, really. like i cld manage myself better. stay more focussed. why can't i do that now? sigh.. guess i gotta learn how to control my mind better. lik, there's a time to think bout studying and there's a time to think about dear. there's a time to date n there's a time to study. if i can manage both i would be so happy.

like this week lo. if i can do work before sat, then i will feel proud to tell dear that hey, ive managed to do this this this and i can enjoy my day with him w/o guilt =) but if i dun manage to, i'll be thinking aiyah actually i can use this day to study one.. then itll dampen everything.. but not lik i'll actually study even if i wasnt meeting him, frankly speaking. sounds lik a lost cause.

im tired of complaining to him (well not really complaining, more lik mentioning) bout my crappy time-management and sucky studies.. and him nagging me and scolding me.. its not really helping. i wish that he cld encourage me.. remind me of my potential (if he thinks i have any) and tell me what i cld do if i juz put my mind to it. maybe help me with my crappy time-management? but ive come to the conclusion that i cant expect so much from him and i shld try to self-motivate, lik i did during 'A's. in some instances, u juz can't wait for ppl to give u happiness; u need to go search for it ureself. hmm i suppose in some cases im really alone. there are some things that i just have to do on my own.. how much complaining/whinging/pouring-of-the-heart i do to others juz isnt gonna make my probs go away, how much time i spend shopping online isnt gonna give me any more time to do what i have to do, and how much i delay taking that first step now isnt gonna lessen the thousand miles any bit.

which is the culprit here? my dad often tells me that my body makes excuses not to do what the mind tells it to do. but if the mind was strong enuf, wld the body be able to resist its command? why not the mind be the one at fault, since the body can juz be viewed as a machine programmed to carry out missions designed by the mind? well, in any case, only I have any power over me ard here. no one else can make me do the things i have to do, or do it for me. i guess i shld juz stop worrying cuz worrying takes up time too. shld juz do as much as i possibly can during the finite amt of time that i have. what's impt is taking that first step i suppose...