Sunday, 12 August 2007

hmm just had a call from dear.. he's back in Sg already! =D can't believe it's been 3 weeks.. tho during the 3 weeks it felt lik torture but it actually went by in a flash now that i think of it.. hmm.. and i'm gonna see him 2ml! bet he'll be super dark and got lotsa scars n wounds and what not -- marks of having gone through toil and hardship. but my dear's a Strong Man; he came back to me in one piece =) and i'm so proud of him. Hooray for my dear! *muackss!*

today's been an eventful day.. today was actually RAG day and i'd wanted to go down earlier to show my support but in the end din get to la =/ cuz i woke up too late.. sigh.. felt really really bad about it. i havn't been helping out alot and i din even go down on the actual comp day la.. even tho i always sounded v enthu abt it.. feel like such a hypocrite =( hope my OGmates and seniors don't think likewise of me. hmm nvm i'll make sure i help out as much as possible for RAG 2008 =) but aniwae heard that Sci Fac won most of the awards! yeah SCI FAC! alrightt!

had dance lessons today too, with huixin. Hip Hop at 3pm and Street Jazz at 4 pm. was tryin to decide between those 2 and MTV Dance but heard that today's MTV Dance class was on Britney's Overprotected.. eck. a Britney song? sucks. so decided to go for the earlier 2. RAG started at 3 too so that's why i cldnt go down for it.. but well dance lessons din turn out well at all =( in fact i even had an emotional breakdown during the St Jazz lesson.. wore a grey t-shirt and my pink Nike pants today. looked lik i was going to the market la.. haiix.. felt really outta place in the hip hop class.. and there was this really tough floor move which left me shaking and panting. i so did not sign up for that! i think i looked quite pissed the whole lesson.. and i was, actually. din really enjoy myself. felt super weird. haiix.. was really tired after the lesson.. then immediately after it was St Jazz.. everyone came in dressed in tanks and long pants.. looked v poised and professional. even had 2 older women in the class la.. and they were lik the most experienced outta the whole class whoa. the tcher was really nice. she sounded lik a Filipina.. her hair was dyed blue! so cool. looks much cooler than the normal browns n oranges teens dye nowadays. aniwae my emo breakdown occurred during the warm-up.. we were doing alot of stretches and squats (plies) and arm movements and i realised that i cldnt do any of that. was struggling and fumbling the whole time. i cldnt even do the stretches properly cuz my back was quite immobile.. like the stretches that involved arching ure back.. cuz it hurt.. i didnt want my back muscles to start tightening up again. cldnt do the stretches that involved bending forward and holding that position cuz my back was simply too weak to hold my weight.. sigh.. felt lik such a weakling lah. then when it came to the crunches.. cld only do a few at the beginning then my neck started hurting aLot aLot and my back was tired too and i cld only lie there n catch my breath while the class continued crunching away.. and it felt really horrible "slacking". i think ppl who are much fitter wont understand the feeling of knowing u can't do smth, being at a much lower level than everyone else, being so weak and simply incapable of doing it. it's really frustrating and u feel so weak and inadequate and at the same time angry at ureself for letting ureself degenerate to such a stage. made me realise that im simply Not Ready for dance, or any other type of strenuous physical activities.. yeah during almost the entire warm-up (which lasted half an hour) i was crying quietly to myself and i don't think anyone noticed. i think they thought my tears were just sweat, if anyone was actually looking at me. but i still kept on going nonetheless.. tho it was really hard and really painful at times. the actual dance part was more fun and not so hard, tho i was dancing really messed up the entire time. haiix.. so pathetic right. aniwae after St Jazz ended, huixin and i were sitting outside watching the MTV Dance ppl and i broke down again, this time in front of her. i cldnt explain to her why tho. it's really hard to express myself when im in that kinda mood. the receptionist Lorraine noticed and tried to comfort me.. tho i dun think she understood and her pep talk just made me wanna cry even more. =( ohwell. in the end i decided to stop dancing and give my remaining lessons over to huixin. kinda regretted signing up in the first place cuz as u can see, it was really a bad decision. so.. yeah.. that was how the first part of my day was like: miserable.

after that huixin and i went to Somerset for bra-shopping (finally!) we shopped for lik 3 - 4 hours? omg in the departmental store, where it's perpetually bright, u don't notice the time flying past man! we went there like 6 plus and shopped till 10.30 pm?! insanity. yeah we were trying on loads of bras and we bought quite a few bras each (all on offer tho) and i think i really made quite good buys today =) quite satisfied really. managed to get the seamless nude and convertible nude bras i wanted =DD but din manage to get a sports bra la =( and also a white bra.. cuz someone likes white bras.. but nvm i'll get a white bra some other time =) a really really NICE white bra which i will love to wear too! man, the changing rooms had lik mannequins in the corridors la.. life-sized mannequins with undies on. so scary. there was lik one mannequin right outside my changing room and it had RED eyes lah! so freaky!!! i kept thinking it wld suddenly blink! everytime i passed by it i wld silently freak out and cover my eyes. i also din dare to go into the changing room by myself so huixin and i ended up sharing changing rooms lol. and we asked each other for comments on our bras LOL. yeah sharin such intimate details is what only besties wld do =p haiix that movie The Dollmaster is ruining my life la.. seriously.. why the f did my seniors show that movie to us.. sigh. now i have doll-and-mannequin phobia.

huixin's mom called me again while we were in the changing rooms and i faked that i wasn't with huixin.. she spent lik dno how long complaining to me again but at least she din insult me this time. i also dno why i picked up cuz i'd ignored her earlier calls. haiiyarh. their family situation is SOOOO messed up. i wished i was a qualified counsellor or psychiatrist so i cld help but now i can only try to listen and not make things worse. *shakes head*

today a package came in the mail and when the postman rang the doorbell, i ran down and grabbed the package, stuffed it under my shirt and ran upstairs when the coast was clear! XD sigh such an adrenaline rush. ive got lots of other packages yet to come.. -.-" so stressful. sigh.. k la time to sleep.. sleep sleep!

yay new bras! XD ♥♥♥ nice innerwear makes a girl's world go round! ♥♥♥

reaching out again
3:19 am

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